Thank you!

Thanks MidlifeMutant, KinnicChick, and CursingMama for the advice you have given. I always find it helps to hear from others, especially those in "been there, done that" shoes.

I guess I'm struggling with the visit, not so much because I want to see grandma, but I'm thinking it's expected of me to visit. It's not that I need any chance to say goodbye, it's not that I'm worried about any memories it might make or not make. It's that I believe it is EXPECTED of me to do this.

Both my sisters are driving there this weekend. When I mentioned to lil' sis that I didn't feel I had to go since grandma has no clue who I am anyhow, sis replies, "I'm not going for grandma, I'm going for aunt." (Grandma's daughter - the one who has been taking care of everything.) Now I'm going to look like the "bad" one who didn't show up. ::rolling my eyes here:: I think we'll be going there in a few weeks again anyhow for a funeral since the decision was made to not give grandma a feeding tube.

So I thought this through a bit - I think instead of going now, I might send a card to my aunt. Telling her thanks for taking care of all this and that I hope she's doing ok. She and her mother had a very "difficult" relationship and never really got along, so I feel bad for aunt - it's as though she's being punished by having to do this all herself. Know what I mean?

I think that's what I might do. I think I'll go shopping now and pick out a card.