I'm happy that...

...October is almost over. It's been a rough month for me. Traditionally, September is my rough month - it's usually the month I have to up my meds. This year, September went good though. October sucked.

Only 2 hours and 35 minutes of October 2005 left. Bring on November! I'm ready for the change!

Happy Blogaversary To Me!

One year ago today I started this blog. Woo Hoo! We shall see if I continue for another year....

I'm a blog slacker!

Good thing there's no "Department of Blog Protective Services", because I'd definitely be in trouble for neglect.....

At least I'm truly busy in "real life". This past weekend I helped a friend pack up her apartment. She has a lot of stuff for one person, lol. She is a single gal and she has decided to jump into the waters of home ownership! I'm so proud of her. I'm not sure I would've ever done anything like that as a single gal.

On Monday, I finally cleaned my poor, neglected home. Between my surgery, our basement remodel and my dad's illness and funeral, I really hadn't cleaned too much lately. (Not that I'm complaining! I don't like cleaning! Have I mentioned that before?) But enough was enough, and I HAD to clean. The clutter and dust was starting to bother me.

Tuesday, hubby and I helped the friend move into her house. It's such an adorable little house - it's about 60 years old and has two bedrooms. It's beautiful and has so much character! I think she's gonna LOVE it there.

So now it's Wednesday and here I am. I have a zillion thoughts in my head about things to blog about, so hopefully soon I'll get some time to get those thoughts down! Frodo will be going to see grandma and grandpa soon, so I'll have some *me* time coming up with hubby being at work. Unless I choose to go out drinking and dancing with some girlfriends! I just might do that....

Just a silly little thought...

In my bathroom I have a Febreze air freshner that is "Citrus and Light" scented. How did they figure out the SMELL of "Light"? Sounds like an acid trip to me....

Stolen idea...

Thanks to Cursing Mama for this. I had never heard of it and it's hilarious!!!

The idea is that you're supposed to plug your name and the word "needs" into google and see what you come up with. My full name is Melinda, so I used that. (Even though I almost always go by "Mel".) Here's my results:

Melinda needs to be a mixture of sexual predator and sympathetic lost soul. Was my hubby involved in this? He'd like it if I was his sexual predator, lol.

Melinda needs to figure out her financial priorities and what's doable. Well, no shit. The story of my life every day.

Melinda needs to help a girl in a psychiatric hospital by telling her that her twin sister who's dead wants to apologize. WTF????

Melinda has a very high need for security. I do? Ok. Maybe a little.

Melinda needs to find out from GSA how the process of sponsoring an event works. From who? Um, no thanks. I'm not into sponsoring events....

A chance is all that Melinda needs. Who doesn't?

Melinda needs to come with the Canfield Crew to Idaho to play in the Pokemon
State Champs. I'm now cleaning the coffee from my monitor, lol! I think I'll pass on this one....

Melinda needs a date. As long as it's with my hubby, I'll go for this one!

Melinda needs to get back into the social scene but she’s intimidated to do anything in that regard No I don't. I like the not social scene. I really do!

Melinda needs to be changed by the experience of speaking with the dead. Yep. Speaking with the dead would change me a bit I think. Anyone have a phone I can use?

Melinda needs to drive. Yeah baby. I LOVE to drive!

Melinda needs to distribute tasks to Joe. Joe!! Come out, come out, wherever you are!!!! (I wish I knew a Joe!)

Even more update...

...but I promise this will be the last of it. I'm sure you're all sick of hearing about my dad, but since I started the story, I feel obligated to finish it.

Yesterday, they moved dad out of ICU and on to a medical floor. He was showing more signs of progression such as a nurse asked him to stick out his tongue and he did, asked him to lift his head so she could fix his pillow and he did, asked him to turn his head and he did. Then according to my sister who was there, he just "zoned out". They started him on some physical therapy to exercise his legs, some occupational therapy to work with his hands and arms, and some speech therapy to work on some swallowing. My sister started calling around and asking about nursing homes and spoke with a lawyer about getting guardianship.

Then this morning she gets a call from one of the nurses. Dad took a huge turn for the worse last night. His oxygen saturation dropped down to 66%. (You want to be in the high 90%s or at 100%. Under 90%, they hospitalize you.) They were able to bring it back up to 95%. Then he started getting fluid in his lungs again, and he became unresponsive again. My sister called her husband at work so he could come home and watch the kids so she could go down there. Before she could even leave, the hospital called back to let her know he had passed away. It's finally over. He finally let go.

So the day after checking on nursing homes, we checked on funeral homes. He wanted to be cremated and to have his ashes buried near his parents' gravesite. We're having a memorial service and the interment on Tuesday in the little bitty midwestern farm town he grew up in. I hope he is finally at peace.

I'm sort of surprised at the tears I've shed today. One of the nurses I work with said she went to a conference on grief a few years ago and basically, in a situation like mine, the grief is over what *could* have been, but never was. I think she really hit the nail on the head for me.

Oooooooookaaaaayyyy.....

Update time:

Monday, dad's doctor talked to my sister about taking dad off the ventilator. He seemed to be at a *make it or break it* point where he could possibly handle breathing on his own now. But the doc wanted to know if we would want him put back on it if he couldn't breathe on his own. So he told her to talk with us other sisters and call him back. We all talked and decided that no, dad's wishes were "no heroic efforts", so we would respect those wishes and not have him put back on the ventilator.

So we were all down there last night thinking, *this is it*. Grandma was there (my dad's mother) as was my aunt and uncle (dad's sister). Wouldn't you know, he seems to be breathing ok (with a mask and oxygen) and is showing some possible signs of voluntary movement.

Honestly, my feelings are a bit mixed right now. I always say *everything happens for a reason*. I'll be interested to find out what this reason is.... I figure if he makes a full comeback, he's gonna be sooooooooooo pissed to find out he won't be allowed to drink anymore. Maybe a little cosmic payback?

The apartment has been cleaned....

My sisters and I went to dad's apartment yesterday. I wanted to rent a dumpster and just toss everything. My one sister wanted to keep some things, "for when he gets out of the hospital". As long as she keeps that stuff at her house and not mine, *whatever*. I think she's in lots of denial yet. Lots and lots of bleach later, we found things like countertops and sinks and vinyl floors! The carpet is getting cleaned on Tuesday and the painters come in next week too. Then after the bathroom gets fixed, it will look rentable again.

Dad is still on a ventilator. They tried to wean him off of it yesterday, but he only lasted about 20 minutes trying to breathe on his own, so they turned it back on. His kidneys still aren't working. He's gained 25 pounds of fluids in 5 days. His pancreas isn't working either - they're using lots of insulin to keep his blood sugar in check. His intestines aren't working either - they try to feed him with a tube into his stomach, but when they check what's in his stomach 8 hours later, most of the stuff they put in there is still just sitting there and not progressing along. The nurse yesterday noted that when she came in at 7am, she could get a *little* pain response from him, but by 11am, was getting none.

They did an EEG on Friday to see is he had any brain wave activity. He does. But what kind of activity he has is difficult to tell. It could be just basic brain stem activity. Whatever it is, *something* is still there.

He's developing more frequent PVCs. All of his blood tests are still abnormal. I'm worried we're just prolonging things by continued support. My sister is wearing rose colored glasses. He DOES have a Do Not Resuscitate order though, so if he goes into cardiac arrest, that will be it. Had he not verbally expressed those wishes before this though, I'm sure my sister wouldn't have allowed his chart to be labeled DNR. (Lesson to all - let your loved ones know your wishes!!! And even better, put them in writing!!!)

And yes, we have a third sister involved, but she's staying completely neutral. And I don't blame her one bit. If I were in her shoes, I'd do the same thing.

Tuesday was different...

... than Monday. My dizziness/spins are suddenly gone! I took ibuprofen last night instead of Tylenol, and that seemed to kick it right out. The rest of today, I've been taking Aleve, and it's all been fine. How weird, eh? So that was better. But that was about it.

Tuesday started with my sister calling me at 5:45am to say the nurse from the hospital dad was in called to say his blood pressure was dropping and it wasn't looking good and she thought we should know. So my sister wanted to go down there and wanted me to go with her. So I did. Our other sister and her fiance came also.

Dad looked like he'd been run over by a truck, he was so covered with bruises everywhere. He'd been awfully bruised lately anyhow, but being in ICU, he was just in a gown, so we could see just how many he had on his legs as well as his arms. (He usually wore pants.) He was also on a ventilator. They had maxed out on his doses of Dopamine and another strong medication to increase his blood pressure (the name escapes me currently) and he was then stable, but barely. He opened his eyes briefly if the nurse hollered his name - as though he's been startled - then closes them again. Other than that, he doesn't respond to commands (ie: squeeze my finger if you can hear me), and doesn't seem to be alert at all.

We spoke with the doctor for awhile who basically said it's hour by hour. He could turn around, or he could die. There's no way to tell. We called other family members to make them aware of the situation. Actually, we just called one cousin we know to be a reliable and sane member of the family and she took care of letting her mom (dad's sister) and our grandma (dad's mom) know about it. Then she called back to let us know that she sort of hoped this would be a wake-up call to her mom (dad's sister) as SHE had taken to drinking A LOT in the past few months as well. (Do I have one fucked up family, or what?)

Then we took off for a bite for lunch, then went to dad's apartment to try and find the "important papers". His apartment was disgusting. Walking in the door, first you're hit with an *unclean* smell, flip on the light switch and right there is his dining room table, piled with papers and bills. Stuff on there dated back over a year ago. On top of all the papers though, was about 10 vodka bottles. Then into the living room where the couch had a patch of blood on it from one of his falls, two recliners - one seemed fine, the other smelled like urine, and a patch of dried vomit on the carpet. Between one end table and the one recliner were empty vodka bottles - probably about 15 of them. Next, into the kitchen where there was an unopened beer can on the counter, as the pull tab had broken off without opening the can, and next to the beer can was a can opener. The beer can had a few marks in it from where the can opener had been attempted unsuccessfully. There were a few empty paper bowls from Wendy's chili on the floor, and some Pop Tart wrappers. Some dishes were in the sink, and they looked like they'd been there forever. The cupboards were empty except for some dishes. The fridge was empty except for part of a sandwich. Next was the bedroom where my sister and brother-in-law had found dad. There were no sheets on the bed and most of the drawers were empty. There were pillows around - a couple on the bed, and others on the floor. There was one chair in the room and on it was a note dated 9/12 from the apartment manager saying that maintenence had tried to come in to fix his broken light, but they refused to do it until some trash was picked up. The manager left a notation at the bottom saying she took TEN BAGS of trash out of his apartment. There were empty vodka bottles everywhere in the bedroom - I would guess at least 50. Then into the bathroom where none of us wanted to set foot in - the counter had mold on it, the toilet seat had been broken off, and the toilet tank and bowl were black with mold.

We went through every drawer, cupboard, and box in the apartment trying to find the "important papers". Dad had always told my one sister that all the "important papers" were on top of the refrigerator. They weren't. We did pick up a few pieces of paper from the pile on the table - a note from the bank with the PIN number to his debit card, a notice from the apartment complex with the manager's name and phone number, and a letter from an investment person saying he'd like to go over his investments. Then we went out to his car so we could park it properly as it was diagnoal across two parking spots instead of parked straight in the stall. Inside his car and trunk were probably about 50 more empty vodka bottles.

So do you think my sister understands now? I think she does. I will say I'm pissed off as hell at the fuckup known as my dad for putting us all through this crap. He was just supposed to die in his recliner instead of making us all go through all this hospital stuff. Just his style though - always having to make it more difficult....

Fucker.

It's *STILL* Monday?!?!?!

This has been one looooooooooooong day.... I have a lot of venting to do.

First, I got up this am and after we ate breakfast, I walked Frodo to school. I was feeling ok after that, so I went to the post office to mail one letter and then stopped at the grocery store for a loaf of bread. Partway thru the grocery store, I had to stop and sit a bit because I was dizzy. (Grrr.)

Then when I got home, I called my surgeon's office about my continued vertigo. They said since I had no signs or symptoms of infections, to up my fluid intake and continue to rest, that it was probably just lingering effects from anesthesia and/or medication from surgery. I'm feeling pretty darn good except for the *spins* I get when I'm up and moving. I suppose this is my body's way of making sure I don't jump up and do too much too quick.... (Because it probably knows that I would.) I'm starting to get grouchy about it though.

So I took a nap! :) But while I was napping, the phone rang about 5 times. (Where's hubby?!?!? I'm resting here!!! LOL!) I have to learn to turn the ringer off. Either that or hubby's dentist's office needs to leave ONE message and be done! (They needed to cancel his appt for this afternoon because the hygenist was out ill.)

After a bowl of cereal, I picked Frodo up from school. It was hot and humid today. Icky. When I got home, I HAD to put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher because for whatever reason, hubby can't ~see~ dirty dishes on the counter.... Icky again. (Either that or I'm just too sensitive about piles of dirty dishes on the counter.... LOL.) Once I got the dishwasher running, I laid down to rest again because I was dizzy AGAIN. (Argh!!!)

We got a call from one of our bestest friends. She was having asthma trouble and wanted some advice. I told her to get her ass to the Urgent Care ASAP! Duh! Silly girl. (She went. She now has good steroids that will hopefully kick in fast. She hadn't had an asthma flare like that since she was 12, so she felt lost. I understood.)

We needed supper. So we went to Subway. We got home and hubby goes to use the bathroom and the toilet overflows because whoever was in there last put a lot of TP in it. (Frodo had a couple friends over after school for a little bit.) He walks out of the bathroom, cursing, and into the bedroom to get dressed for work. I thought he was leaving the bathroom for me to clean up!!! (Waah!) He wasn't though. (But I bet if I wasn't just a week post surgery, he would've!!) He was just walking away from it then was going to go back in a couple minutes to clean it up he said. He did that, and then I sprayed it down with cleaner and mopped a little to disinfect.

After hubby went to work I called my RN friend (Nurse in Space) to ask her if she has any thoughts about my dizziness. She giggles and tells me my body's center of gravity is all out of whack and probably needs more time to get used to having less weight out front, lol. I needed that laugh because I've been sorta weepy the past 24 hours out of frustration with the dizziness. The only other ideas she had was that maybe I was fighting a virus, or a sinus infection, or an allergy. Either that or maybe I have a pinched nerve in my neck and I could try my chiropractor. I'll see how it is tomorrow.

My sister called at 7pm. She had been trying to get a hold of our dad for about 24 hours with no contact from him which she says is odd for him. So she decided that she and her hubby needed to drive down to his place (he lives about an hour away) to see if he was dead or something. Well, turns out he was close. They found him laying naked in his closet and barely breathing. He'd been doing a LOT of drinking. He was conscious and recognized them though. (But unbothered by the fact that he was laying naked in the closet.... When my brother-in-law asked him why he was laying in the closet insted of on the bed, dad replied, "Because I felt like it.")

They found empty vodka bottles e-v-e-r-y-w-h-e-r-e: in the bedroom, in the kitchen, in the living room, in the bathroom, in his car.... My sister had called me asking me what to do since he has no money and no health insurance. I told her that her choices were either a) call an ambulance or b) leave him there. (Really. Those are her two choices.) My brother-in-law told dad they were going to call an ambulance and dad said no. My bro-in-law told him to stand up and tell him *no* to his face and of course he couldn't, so they hung up with me and called the ambulance. (Dang, I love my bro-in-law some days!)

I just talked to my sister again about 15 minutes ago and they're in the hospital, going to get a CT of his brain and admit him to ICU overnight and decide from there. I have to tell you, I'm soooo pissed off at my dad for putting my sister in this position. Although at least she will feel like she did something instead of just finding him dead. She would've felt really guilty if she'd just found him dead.

Needless to say, I am ready for Monday to be DONE. I think I have a little cookie dough in the freezer calling my name first. ;) Then I'll go to bed.

Hubby broke his glasses...

...on Saturday morning. They're still functional, but just uncomfortable as he broke one of those little nosepad things off. The whole thing broke clean off, so it's not like we can just get a new nosepad. He'd been getting reminders in the mail from his eye doctor for almost a year now telling him it's "time for your next eye exam!" and I even mentioned a couple months ago it was time to get him some new glasses. He kept putting it off. (Typical male.)

So yesterday, being a Saturday, his usual eye doctor's office is closed. And even if we ordered a set of glasses from them, it took over a month to get them last time. :( So we decided to head to the mall. Many moons ago, I was an optician and I made eyeglasses at a store hubby affectionately called "Crens Laughters". I did this for 5 years. I really liked it actually - I just got sick of my lab manager always coming into work hung over or still drunk and the store manager wouldn't do anything about it so I quit. Anyhow.... being a mall store, the turnover rate can get pretty big and I hadn't known anyone who worked there for years. But yesterday, we walked in, got hubby on the schedule to get an eye exam, picked out a pair of frames, and out of the lab walks a guy I trained there! He had returned to the job part time to make some extra $$ for a vacation his family wants to take. It was fun to catch up with him.

Turns out he can get us a deal through a friends and family discount promotion - we got 50% off frames and lenses!!!!!! Hooray!!!!!!!!! (A $500 day turned into a $275 day! Phew!) Damn straight he should get me a discount. When we worked together, I picked his ass up from the police station at 3am once because he'd been pulled over for a DUI.... I was livid that night/day. He was eternally grateful. He owes me. LOL.

During the eye exam, the doctor says to hubby, "You've got something in your eye." She had to numb his eye to get it out as it was embedded in his eye a bit. She kept saying, "You can't feel that?!?!?" Whatever it was, his eye did a good job of encapsulating it and protecting him. He said his eye was a little itchy and sore the rest of the day from where she took the object out. We figure it's a little piece of metal from the basement remodeling stuff we'd been doing. (whups) I *told* him to put safety glasses on over his eyeglasses but he wouldn't.....

Once we got everything lined up to get the glasses made, it turns out we couldn't get them done in an hour. Hubby has a slightly funky prescription due to astigmatism, and it wasn't something they keep in stock and it needed to be special ordered. So he's still wearing his busted glasses with a little padding on them for his nose until the new lenses come in. They told us 10-14 days, but I'm hoping sooner. ;) We decided to keep the order there since hubby really liked the frames and we got such a good deal too.