I have one spot that REALLY hurts...

...and it's not even related to my surgery. I have a zit in the crease where my left earlobe meets my head that is THE most painful spot on my body at this moment!!! Good Grief! I've got some acne cream on it in an attempt to dry it out some.

I talked to my baby sister last night. She was giving me grief that I never told her I was having surgery. (Whups.) She was telling me that she used to be all jealous of me and our other sister because we were "well endowed" and she wasn't as much. She told me she now realizes she has it better. (See what a little age does for ya? A bit o' wisdom!) And does she ever have it better! (Like I always say, if you don't have 'em you can fake 'em. But when you do have 'em, it's not like you can hide 'em!) She's got a body most people would die for - except for the fact that she's only 5'1". LOL. But dang, she looks good! She and her sweetie are thinking of having their wedding next fall.

Ugh.

Two words - Vicodin Hangover.

Taking Vicodin for a couple days in a row can make one feel crappy. I have a cottony brain and just don't feel quite right. So I'm just using extra strength Tylenol for pain today (and it seems to be working fine) but this hangover feeling sucks. No wonder addicts feel like they have to keep taking it over and over.... I've been considering it....

And Melanie, I'm not sure I'll be doing *before* and *after* photos. (At least not publically!) You don't wanna see what it looks like now. It's icky. It will be 2-3 months before *after* photos will be considered. ;)

And I wonder what spammers I'll get now after Carley's colorfully worded post. ;) ROTFLOL!

I'm home!

(If some of you reading this also know me from a message board, this will sound the same. I did a cut and paste because I'm too tired to keep typing over and over, lol.)

I was up early on Monday morning and in the clinic by 6:30. (Yikes! Early!) I got checked in, put in a room and in a gown, doodled on, and had an IV set up. Things moved along pretty quickly and I was in the OR. Next thing I know, I'm waking up in recovery feeling all groggy, but not nauseous at all as they had given me some meds ahead of time to avoid that. (Yay!) I was told all had gone well and that I had around 5 pounds of breast tissue removed. (Yay again!)

After relaxing in the recliner for awhile, I decided I needed to get up and use the restroom. The nurse walked me there, I used the toilet and the next thing I know, I hear all sorts of yelling. I had passed out, lol. So they put me back in the chair to rest and waited. Unfortunately, it kept happening every time I would get up. (It's called a vasovagal episode - some of you may be familiar with it if you know someone who passes out when getting blood drawn or getting a shot.) So instead of going home around noon yesterday, I ended up in the hospital for observation for until I could use the restroom without passing out and came home at 1:30 today. I have Vicodin so I'm a pretty happy camper, lol.

Just thought I'd update y'all. I'll be back later. I'm going to go rest for now. Thanks for all your thoughts and well wishes! :)

About 12 hours from now...

...I should be in recovery from the surgery! I can't believe I'm to the point of counting hours! Yay!!!!

I'll update when I'm up and at 'em again.

An unexpected heartbreak....

I was cleaning up the house a bit this evening. We had the past three weeks' local newspaper sitting in a pile - I'd totally planned on going through them at some point. (Fortunately, my little town only puts out a paper once a week, or I'd have one hell of a pile!) I was browsing through the most recent edition and an obituary caught my eye:

"B.K.P., 43, died on Sunday, Sept. 18 at his home...." it begins.

B.K.P and his family lived across the street from us until just 2 months ago. He and his wife were getting a divorce and sold their house. They were great neighbors - really nice. I hated to see them go. I was sad to see that he had died. My heart sank to my stomach reading this. I could only think of his 14 year old son and how horrible he must feel right now. I wondered if maybe it was a heart attack or something. Then I go a few more pages in the newspaper and find this:

"Police Lieutenant B said a 43-year-old man, B.P.K., died at his home Sept. 18 as a result of hanging himself."

At that point my heart left my stomach and sank down to my toes. Oh no.

Isn't it always the feeling of, "I never expected...." when something like this happens? He never seemed to me to be the type that would do this. But you know what? I've been one of those "never expected" types too. (Those of us who've *been there done that* call it a "mask".)

I've suffered from depression since... I don't even know for sure when it started. It could've been as early as age 9 or 10. I have had a few times in my life when suicide seemed like the best option I had to deal with the pain I felt. I don't know what kept me afloat. Call it whatever you want - luck, a guardian angel, divine intervention, who knows.... I just know that SOMEHOW, each time I never quite fulfilled my final plans. Having a child was the final breaking point for me. I spent many, many months in a deep depression after he was born. The only thing that kept me from killing myself was that I couldn't imagine forcing my son to live his life thinking HE was the reason I had died. When he was 7 months old, after I stood in the mirror with a gun in my hand, I finally made the call to a psych office and got myself some meds and counseling. After a few trials and errors in the medication department, things are in line there. I'll be on meds til' I'm worm food. The counseling.... eh.... I tried three different counselors and I never felt I clicked with any of them. So no big whoop there. LOL.

After reading B.P.K.'s obituary and the short news story, I had a walk down memory lane. And one quote I remember reading on a website a few years ago kept popping into my head:

“Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain.”

What an accurate statement. When all your resources have run out, it truly feels like there is no other option. It makes me terribly sad that B.P.K. ran out of resources. I wish I could've been there for him. May he rest in peace.

Busy Me

I had a busy weekend and beginning of the week!

Friday night after work, I went with a friend to go look at a house she was thinking of buying. It was a cute little house with a great price. The house looked GREAT!

Saturday, the same friend and I went to the home improvement stores. I'm never one to turn down trips to the home improvement store! I bought a new electric drill. It works great! I'm funny in the way that I'm a girl that gets excited over power tools. My next purchase will be and electric mitre saw. :) Anyhow, my friend wanted to price some things out for this house she wanted to buy. We had fun.

Sunday, hubby and I FINALLY got a little work done on our basement. We ripped out the old bar that was in there. Demolition is fun! Sunday afternoon we went to my nephew's birthday party. I got to see my dad there. He looks like he's been beaten with a 2x4. He had bruises and scrapes all over. After having the one fall and breaking a couple ribs, a few nights ago he got up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and fell in the bathroom. He's now walking with a cane to help keep his balance. He's only 60, but he looks and acts 90. His 84 year old mother is in better shape than he is. His mind was clearer than it has been though. My sister talked to him about signing for her to have healthcare power of attorney. He agreed. She also completed all the paperwork to get him into the VA system for further care. The only thing missing is his military discharge papers. Dad couldn't find them anywhere. So they requested a copy from the government and will get them in a few weeks. Then on Sunday night, we helped the above mentioned friend write her offer to purchase on the house since it was a for sale by owner. I must say, she and I did a good job! :) Future career? (Nah...)

Then as I was getting ready for bed on Sunday night, I laid down in bed and it suddenly felt like the bed flipped over. That happened a few times over 10 minutes and then I fell asleep. I worked on Monday, but all day I felt a little *off balance*. When I woke up Tuesday I felt fine. So I decided to finally tape up some plastic in the basement so I could get to work on painting the ceiling. I got it all up, came upstairs to get changed into painting clothes, flipped my head over to get my hair all tucked up into a baseball cap, and *boom* - another big dizzy spell. I made it to a chair and sat for awhile, then fell asleep for an hour. When I woke up, I felt ok. Hubby and I got the ceiling painted and I had no more problems with the dizziness. Looks like I have to be very careful not to flip my head over, eh? I've done some online searching about this dizziness and it's sounding like Meniere's Disease. I'll just keep an eye on it and be careful.

Now I'm off to play in the school library and hopefully get more work done in my basement later!

Well, my sister surprised me...

...and DID call the doctor's office before dad's appointment. She spoke with the nurse and explained all her concerns about his memory and behavior, and left her name and phone number and said to feel free to call with any other questions or concerns.

Well, that evening after dad's appointment, the doctor called my sister. Dad had given the doctor permission to speak with her about his health. She wasn't home, so he left a message saying he would like to speak to her about our dad because he was very concerned. After playing some telephone tag, they finally connected. The doctor told her he was worried because of how old dad looked and how bad he looked. She said something to the doctor about, "well, a lifetime of alcoholism will do that to ya" and the doctor was surprised because he never knew about dad's chronic alcoholism. (Like dad's gonna tell him about that!!) He said the tremors definitely weren't from Parkinson's - he says they are alcohol related. His liver enzymes are very elevated. And he needs a neurological consult ASAP. He mentioned a disease my sister wrote down as "Quasiori's", but after doing about an hour's worth of googling, I think it's supposed to be "Korsakoff's". Oh - and the doctor says we're supposed to get him to stop drinking. Yeah.... right.... Like that's gonna happen.... He couldn't give it up to save his marriage and family. He couldn't give it up with AA. He couldn't give it up with a hospital treatment program. He's not going to give it up now.

So my sister is working on some paperwork to get dad into the VA hospital here so he can have that consult with a neurologist. Dad hasn't had a job in at least 3 years, has no health insurance, and isn't old enough for Medicare. He thinks his health status is "no big deal". My sister told him that his doctor thinks it is and that he needs to see the neurologist. So she's driving down to his house tomorrow so she can sit down with him and fill out the papers. We'll see if he cooperates.... Heck, I'll be surprised if he can remember his social security number.

Sigh.

Things that make you go...

...hmmm....

This story. Is it a true shouldering of responsibility or just a political ploy to help bolster record breaking low poll numbers?

Then, this story. It looks like this man might make a good supreme court justice. Anyone who can stay unrattled during two days of senate confirmation hearings is either brilliant, a very good actor, or has some top notch drugs I'd like to try, lol. He seems to be MUCH less narrow-minded than I expected him to be and is obviously a man who understands a) what the job of a judge is according to The US Constitution and b) the concept of precedents. I'm (cautiously)impressed. Either Bush picked a good nominee or he didn't fully realize Roberts' intelligence....

This story doesn't make you go hmmmm. It makes you think, WTF!

This story shows why we still vaccinate children against certain diseases. Polio was originally slated to be eradicated by the year 2000. But each time it's close to being gone, it resurfaces again. If the people on the planet don't all kill each other off, I'm sure bacteria and viruses will. Maybe that's what happened to the dinosaurs.... (Hmmmm....)

And this story really does make you sit and go hmmmm. How bizarre.

And in case you ever wanted to WALK thru a colon.... (I'll pass thankyouverymuch.)

And yet one last story from the bizarre realm.

************************

And I babysat my nieces today and I enjoyed it! Woo Hoo! I tell ya, I think the part that made it good was that my nephew (Demon Spawn) was at school. My oldest niece (Angel Child, but she occasionally has a tarnished halo!) truly is an angel when her brother isn't around. And my youngest niece (Barfy Baby) is a treat to be around. She's all smiles and is just a ton of fun (and barfs less now that she's getting older). All she needs now is to learn some self-mobility and she'll be in heaven, lol.

And lastly, my sister calls me tonight to let me know that she found out our dad has a doctor's appointment tomorrow. Dad's been telling all of us lately that he thinks he has Parkinson's because of his shaking. (See this prior post for more background info.) His shaking is so much that he can't shave his face. (My grandpa, dad's dad, had Parkinson's for 30 years. He shaved without problem.) She found out about the appointment only after talking to dad on the phone for awhile and after a very confusing conversation that included him thinking she was pregnant with her fourth child (EEK! Nightmare!), him saying he didn't have an appointment after saying he did, and then saying he tripped over his couch last night and fell and he thinks he broke a couple ribs but decided to wait until his doctor appt tomorrow to talk to his doctor about it.... All I can do is shake my head. The man has been in and out of treatment for his alcoholism various times in his life, and even had a *little problem* with the law once too. When I was younger, the family had been to counseling together and separately. But the disease has such a grip on him - much bigger than any other thing has in his life. Always has and always will.

My sister had told me before that she was going to call his doctor and share all our (all three sisters') concerns with the doc before dad had his appointment to make sure the doctor was getting the full story. (She is his Power of Attorney and we really think the doctor doesn't know the whole story. Have I mentioned before that my dad's doctor is a friend of dad's from high school?!?!? From another state?!?!? How weird is that?) So I cornered my sister tonight and asked her if she'd called yet. She hadn't. I told her I'd be happy to call if she didn't want to or didn't have the time. She said no, she'd do it tomorrow. I then told her I was going to invoke the "Big Sister Act of 1842"* and do something horrible to her if she didn't follow through on it. LOL. I'll call her again tomorrow morning and see if she did it. Because if she doesn't, I will.

*I totally made up that "Big Sister Act of 1842". Just in case anyone thought it was real. I know you're all smart enough to know that, but I just felt I had to put this disclaimer in for some reason, lol.

I finally...

...updated my blog links over in the sidebar. I was prompted to do it because when visiting a blog I read every so often when I can handle the emotions of it, ("No One's Child") the entire thing was gone and replaced with something called "huge penis and food sex". I'm hoping Jeni's manuscript is gone because it's getting published as a book. She is a very gifted writer with an incredible story to tell.

Now I'm off to babysit my two nieces. Wish me luck. I might be back at 1pm to drink heavily, lol.

Remembering....

A memorial.

It's hard to believe it's been four years already.

And did you know that September 11 is now called "Patriot Day"? I didn't. I don't think I'll ever know it as "Patriot Day". To me it will always be 9/11.

An excellent article about "what went wrong"

From the Washington Post via MSNBC.

In case anyone had any question...

...about who did what and when, here's a timeline. With references.

Count your blessings as you are comfy in your own home tonight with electricity, food and water.

I'm gonna shift gears here...

...and let you all know about my hubby's sleep study. :D

He went in on Friday night and got all hooked up to lots of monitors. He got to watch tv a little bit to relax, then went to sleep. While he slept, the technician, Dottie, made notes when blips showed up on the monitors she was watching.

Without a CPAP (Continuous Positive Air Pressure) mask on, he registered 25 respiratory disturbance episodes in an hour. One was a complete obstructive apnea that lasted SEVENTEEN seconds. (The longest I'd ever counted at home was ten seconds.) She also registered two others that were partial airway obstructions - one lasted 12 seconds, and the other lasted 23 seconds. During those two, his oxygen saturation dropped pretty low as well. Then, he finally entered some REM sleep for her to record. She said he was an unusual case during REM sleep - he snores his most during REM, which she said was highly unusual. His breathing also gets very irregular during REM, and his pulse rate goes up. And on top of it all, he gets PVCs as he's sleeping. No wonder the guy isn't feeling rested.

Then she roused him briefly to put the CPAP mask on and had him go back to sleep. With the mask on, he registered about 2 disturbance episodes in an hour. His breathing stayed regular, his pulse stayed regular, the PVCs were gone, he snored less, and his REM sleep was longer and more restful. He came home and said that with about 6 hours of sleep with the CPAP mask on, he felt he'd had the best sleep he'd ever had in his life and he'd dreamed more than ever.

So he has the little machine and mask at home now. :) He's used it two nights. It's incredibly quiet. He doesn't snore anymore. When he wakes up in the morning, he doesn't feel like just flopping on the couch and going back to sleep. Oh, how I wish he'd done this 10 years ago!!! ;)

I can't wait to get him started on some projects around the house now, heh heh!

A quote that says it all...

“The first few days were a natural disaster. The last four days were a man-made disaster.” (from this story)

CNN's "Quick Vote" Poll today...

...asked:

"Do failures in the response to Hurricane Katrina raise questions about how officials might handle a major terrorist attack?"

What do you think?

Hubby actually mentioned this thought to me last night. His thought was that if it was this difficult to get relief to an area that actually KNEW a disaster was coming, what the heck would happen if we had a SURPRISE disaster or terrorist attack? So yes, I think the response to Katrina definitely raises questions about how a terrorist attack would be handled - and even IF it COULD be handled.

By the way, at the time of my posting, nearly 49,000 votes had been cast in the CNN poll with 89% voting "yes". Even Fox News has a good article in regards to this issue as well. (Dang, are they ever surprising me the past few months!)

Finally, some relief and a few answers!

As relief is FINALLY reaching the people trapped in New Orleans, some answers are also arising.

**Why are people shooting at the helicopters and other people that are just trying to help them? (And why is nobody shooting back at the snipers?) As Carley pointed out in her post, when people get dehydrated, the mind doesn't work quite as well. Confusion sets in. Behavior can get irrational. I know some people ended up being cut off from medications they shouldn't be off of as well. That can also cause behavior to get irrational. And one story I read guessed that maybe they were shooting just to get the attention of the helicopters so they could also get rescued.

**How is it that the media can get in there to do stories, but nobody else is getting in there to get those people out? I found a message board where a gal who lives 60 miles from New Orleans told me stories about how news crews that could get in and out were taking some folks out - one or two at a time. To not exploit that fact is very cool in my book.

**Where the hell are these buses that are supposed to be taking people from the Superdome? They're finally there. For some reason, they have stopped again today with reports of about 2,000 people left. There's no answers yet as to what took so long.

**And what is this I keep hearing they anticipate they aren't going to have enough buses??!?!? WTF?!?!?? GET MORE FUCKIN' BUSES!!!! They were doing a great job getting people out up until today. (See above point.)

**What is this I'm hearing about the mayor of New Orleans giving people "permission" to march across a bridge? If they have foot traffic access to somewhere, why aren't they going there? Why are they being held and trapped at the Superdome? Some people WERE walking out of the city. I don't know why others weren't. I suppose since they were told to go to the Superdome, they figured their best bet was to stay there?

**Why is it taking the engineers sooooo long to block the breached levees? They did get one area blocked, but were having trouble getting equipment to other areas to put items in place to block the breaches.

**And why is it taking so long to mobilize the National Guard or any other help for these people? Still looking for answers on this one. Governors for other states are telling the media they offered help, but couldn't send any help without an official request. ("Several states say they were willing to send troops to help in the Gulf Coast relief, but didn't get a go ahead until days after the storm struck. The governor of New Mexico says he offered troops before Katrina hit but didn't get clearance from Washington until Thursday. The head of the Michigan National Guard says he was ready to send in police units but couldn't without a request.") If the president could declare many areas federal disaster areas BEFORE the hurricane hit, to me that meant plans were already in place to mobilize National Guard troops to help with disaster relief. Why it took so long is still a mystery and I hope that question gets answered appropriately.

I have some questions...

...in regards to the situation in New Orleans. If anyone has any answers, I'd REALLY appreciate them. Here's my list:

**Why are people shooting at the helicopters and other people that are just trying to help them? (And why is nobody shooting back at the snipers?)

**How is it that the media can get in there to do stories, but nobody else is getting in there to get those people out?

**Where the hell are these buses that are supposed to be taking people from the Superdome?

**And what is this I keep hearing they anticipate they aren't going to have enough buses??!?!? WTF?!?!?? GET MORE FUCKIN' BUSES!!!!

**What is this I'm hearing about the mayor of New Orleans giving people "permission" to march across a bridge? If they have foot traffic access to somewhere, why aren't they going there? Why are they being held and trapped at the Superdome?

**Why is it taking the engineers sooooo long to block the breached levees?

**And why is it taking so long to mobilize the National Guard or any other help for these people?

And another sick aspect of this too - A quote from a CNN story:

"They have quite a few people running around here with guns," he said. "You got these young teenage boys running around up here raping these girls."

How come nobody is beating the living shit out of these boys who are raping girls?!?!?!? OMG..... My stomach is just churning....

I'm so saddened and horrified by all this. I just don't understand. How can we as a nation treat fellow citizens in this manner? Why can I see a news story about a freakin' emergency shelter for animals while human beings are in conditions that aren't even fit for animals? Can anyone make any sense of this?

I swear, if nothing big is done by tomorrow, I think I need to organize some national protests. This is atrocious. What the fuck is going on????